Blog Contribution by NIHD Board Member Julie Dumser, RN, BSN, MSM.
When you’re late to a meeting, leading with “I’m sorry” immediately puts you on the defensive, makes the moment about your mistake, and subtly drains your confidence. Instead, a better move is to thank people for their patience or jump straight into value-adding.
Have you ever noticed how many times in a day you say, “I’m sorry”? Why do people say I’m sorry so often?
Lots of people struggle with saying “I’m sorry” too often. Here’s why it happens and how you can shift out of the habit:
Apologizing shows that while we aren’t perfect, we care about others’ feelings and want to improve. A sincere apology can heal both parties when a real mistake is made.
But when we apologize constantly, especially for things that aren’t our fault, it becomes a problem. You bump into someone and say sorry. Someone says something rude, and you apologize for reacting.
Why people say "I’m sorry" so often
Politeness / Social Conditioning – Many cultures teach especially women and nurses (or service-oriented professionals) to smooth over situations, even ones not their fault.
Conflict Avoidance – Saying “sorry” feels safer than risking someone’s disapproval.
Empathy Expression – Sometimes “I’m sorry” is really meant as “I care about what you’re going through.”
Perfectionism / Self-Blame – Habitually taking responsibility, even when not necessary.
Filler Phrase – It becomes a default word like “um” when you don’t know what else to say.
How to stop over-apologizing
The goal isn’t to never apologize (a genuine “I’m sorry” is powerful when you’re truly at fault), but to reserve it for when it counts. Here are some strategies:
Pause before speaking. Ask: Did I actually do something wrong? Or am I just trying to smooth things over? If not wrong, skip the apology.
Replace with gratitude or acknowledgement. Instead of “Sorry I’m late,” say “Thank you for waiting,” or instead of “Sorry for bothering you,” say “I appreciate your time.”
Use assertive language, such as “I want to add something here” instead of “Sorry, can I say something?” Or, “Excuse me” instead of “Sorry” when moving past someone.
Practice with low-stakes situations. Notice when you say it out of reflex (like if someone bumps into you). Practice replacing it with a smile or neutral phrase.
Build comfort with silence. Sometimes “I’m sorry” fills awkward gaps. Get comfortable letting a moment pass without rushing to fill it.
Ask for feedback. If it’s hard to catch yourself, ask a trusted colleague or friend to gently point it out when you do it.